aggravated

You know, I've been digging around on the internet for a supportive support group for breath holding. I thought if I could connect with other mothers that go through this it may help me. But all I find are a bunch of mean jerks! Maybe I haven't found the right one. but they all tell everyone to walk away! How can I walk away when she tries to follow me, falls over and hurts herself. The other day she did it again when Emelina innocently took something from her she shouldn't have. Not Emelina didn't grab it and pull it or hurt her. She just said can I see that and Lily stupidly gave it to her and when Emelina put it up she got upset and started to cry and had a repeat performance of the day before! I was sitting in my computer chair watching tv and I saw the whole thing and was 2 feet away from the child. She had this pained look on her face, scared and not knowing what was going on and tried to walk over to me. By this time i was already reaching for her but she basically fell into my hands. Now don't tell me I should walk away when she's doing it! Now afterwards you shouldn't baby Lily, I'll agree with that but to walk away while she's doing it?

I guess i'm a little panicky more than most parents. I've seen some crap. 2 years ago my best friends granddaughter died from SIDS. She just died. In her sleep stopped breathing for no reason at all. Perfectly healthy. I had a really hard pregnancy with Lily. I had gestational diabetes and went through a lot. I maintained a perfect diet and she was tiny at birth. During my csection the drugs started wearing off and I could feel the pain of being open like that. Not bad but it was uncomfortable. I went through sleepless nights, not from colic but from reflux. This child was on an extremely expensive diet and ate all the time and she's so tiny! Now she's got this problem. I've just seen a lot, been through a lot and I just can't walk away when she has this attack.

I also don't understand how they couldn't have some sort of treatment for it. There is nothing I can do but give into her every whim? Sometimes she'll be sitting there and start to cough (like today) and it starts up. Her face started to change, her eyes were big and round and i smacked her a couple times and she kind of sat there dazed and then was fine. That wasn't chocking, it's difffernt you can tell the difference between choking and aa breath holding attack. Now this wasn't a full fledge attack but you could tell her body was trying to and she just coughed. She's on a neubulizeer for this cough the doc said it could be the beginning signs of asthma or something her body isn't liking (like cold air) but the meds help get rid of this cough but you only give it to her when it's pretty bad this was just a mild little cough.

I just don't understand why other parents think it's somthing the kids can control. It's involuntary, do they not understand what that word is? I'm not being mean, just don't understand. Not sure what to do and I'm at my wits end. I'll end up in the er having a heart attack eventually.

prayers would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know if Lily and I have the strength to get through this.